NYE

So, it's New Year's Eve.  Time for resolutions, making promises that won't be kept, and changing life around.  Not for me.  My resolution is that everything stays the same--well, except for my hair-haha.  

Speaking of hair, it seems like it is a popular topic.  I post a blog about hair and 700 people view it within 12 hours.  Crazy.  I'll be sure to post the real hair pictures as they come.  

Tonight, my family will be spending their New Year's Eve with Mickey mouse.  Me? Spending it at home with Troy and two of my best friends.  I probably won't even make it until midnight.  I've never been a big fan of NYE.  

I saw a picture on pinterest today, and it about sums up how I'm feeling about NYE.  

It said something like "My new year's resolution this year is to write 2013 instead of 2012." 

Yep-that about sums it up.  

My real resolutions this year:

1. To remain positive despite all of the shitty things thrown at my life.

2. To spend as much time as possible with my daughter--she's a pretty funny, cute gal, and I think I should hang out with her more often since I have the time at home.  

3. Date nights with Troy.  As often as possible.  Again-while I have the time away from work, I want to work on spending it with family.  

4. Finishing Marie's scrapbook. Eventually. 

5. Not watching ANY Parenthood.  Everyone used to tell me what a great show it was, and I heard that  this year was a little close to home.  I decided (like an idiot) that I'd watch a clip last night.  Stupid.  Stupid. Stupid. Made me cry.  Stupid woman on that show has breast cancer too, and what clip did I watch?  Oh, the stupid goodbye video she recorded for her kids, you know, in case she DIES.  Needless to say, I cried.  A lot. Stupid. 

So, moral of the story?  NOT EVER WATCHING THAT SHOW AGAIN.  

I'm sure I have more resolutions.  Just none that I can think of right now.  

Now, with all of my 5000 views, I should be able to make some money with this blog.  Anyone got any ideas?  HAHA. 

Hair today, gone tomorrow

So, today's obsession has been with my hair.  I'm realizing more and more that it's not going to be here for very long.  I give it 5 weeks, tops.  Normal people might be scared about that, but I'm not.  I'm actually looking forward to some aspect of it.  Now, I'm not looking forward to losing my hair, but I am looking forward to playing with it.

I'm going to try to have as much fun as possible.  The way I see it, I have the next 5 weeks to try out hair styles that I never would have the guts to try otherwise.   I am probably going to make it a gradual change.   I will most likely start chemo sometime around the last week of January.  If my docs are right, the hair will begin to fall out 7-10 days after my first treatment.   So, that gives me roughly 5-7 weeks of hair time.  I think I'm going to go in once a week and just go shorter each time.  I'll get the shortest haircut when I start chemo, that way when the hair starts to fall out, it won't be drastic.  When it starts, I'll just go all GI Jane style.  This is what I'm thinking.  Every few weeks, I will be getting a new cut or style.  I'm going to go shorter each time, and I'll possibly color it, too.  I'm going to probably go to great clips or something (cheaper in the long run), and if I decide to die it, I'll get a box of hair dye.

So...I'm thinking this will be the look for week 1:

It's short, but not too short.  I'll have fun with it for a few weeks...then I'm thinking something like this....

Style 2:

I like this one...she's on "Once Upon a Time", and I've always wanted to know how I'd look with a cut like this.  

Then, I'll go with something like this: 

Style 3:

 

I'm not sure which one to go with for the pixie--I'm leaning more towards the last one (Emma Watson). I've loved her hair ever since she cut it short.  I may even do the reddish brown thing that she has going on there, too.  

I feel like this could be very therapeutic for me for a few reasons. One, it will give me a chance to get used to the short hair, and it will transition me into the actual hair-loss phase.  Also, it will help Marie.  I think if she sees it get shorter and shorter, it will be less of a shock when I'm actually bald.  

The final look will be something like this: 

I'm hoping I'll have the same gorgeous facial features and make-up, too. :)

So, comment away and let me know what you think of my new hair-dos.  

2:00 a.m....Can't sleep

Woke up at 1:00 because of a few things.
1. Troy is an amazing selfless person and went to help my cousin paint.  I'm home alone (Which I'm kind of ok with--gives me some reflection time and rest time).
2. Because of the home alone things, the dogs freak out.  Apparently, Troy has to be here, or Rusty whines.  He's better now, but it seriously scares him to have Troy gone, and then Duke gets scared because Rusty is scared.
3.  The TV was off, then I heard a noise outside and the dogs started barking like crazy, which freaks me out in return.

So now-Friends is on Nick at Night (Nick2), the dogs are finally calm, and I have double checked that all doors are locked and barricaded myself in my room.

I'm also thinking that I'm going to play the Sims when I finish this post.  Don't judge--it's fun, and I'm bored at times.

Also-another overwhelming thank you to everyone who is reading/commenting.  It is really nice to know that people look at this.  It makes writing it very worth it.  I think it's like a sort of therapy for me to write on here.  I know I'm not the best writer, but this seems like a nice way to log all of my medical information; I just figure, why not add the emotional stuff as well.

Something I didn't write earlier that is a good thing:  The doctors are all very impressed with me.  Everything seems to be going "Great", or "amazing", or "the best".  They seem very intrigued (I think I said that in a previous post), but this is a good thing to me.  I hope it makes me a priority.

Later this week, I'm going to be going to lunch with a friend who is going through the same thing as me.  I only recently met her, but I think we'll become fast friends.  She is also going through Edwards Hospital, has the same oncologist as me, and she's doing this trial that I am doing.  She's already been so great, and answered so many questions for me (She's about a month ahead of me in terms of treatments); I'm hoping that I can be a support system for her as well.

I also realized that I haven't really posted about Christmas, so I'm going to create a photo-album type post here.  So stop reading this post if you don't want to see pictures :)

 Under the tree--Santa came!

I've got a pretty good husband :) 

 Making a gingerbread house with Grandma Jackie

                           

Putting her letter to Santa in the mailbox

 Troy's gift

 

 Opening presents on Christmas morning.

 Because I got distracted and was watching "Friends" while wrapping, Chandler decided to give Marie a present. 

 Hot Cocoa on X-Mas Eve at Julie and Patrick's place--Patrick's mom made a great Candycane/marshmallow/chocolate thing to dip into the cocoa.  It was awesome!

 Santa ate his Gingerbread cookies!

 Marie's big gift was a dollhouse.  We played :)

 Cinderella doll

 Irony: Her "glass" slipper doesn't fit.  

 Dad's new Bears plaque from Mom

 My pandora bracelet--good husband :)  I have three beads, but I didn't get them in this pic.  More later.

So that was Christmas.  It was great fun :)

I feel like a cyborg...

I have three different things in my body that aren't meant to be there.  Super weird.

Went to Edwards today and had a minor surgery to make sure all of my margins are clean.  The doctor also wanted to insert the port-a-cath.  It's this thing that rests under the skin and I'll have the chemotherapy drugs administered through it.

This is what it looks like -------->

This is where it is, but it was placed much higher -------->

It's really weird, because now I can feel all of it.  I have these expanders in that feel really bizarre.  During today's surgery, the doctor was able to inflate them, which gets me one step closer to my normal size again.  It sounds so weird to say that--inflate.  

Anyway, this port feels like this little lump in my chest.  It's really odd.  I seriously feel like I have mechanical parts inside me.  Awkward. 

<-----That's where it is.  You can't even really see it.  But trust me, it's there.

I've decided to participate in the study, so that is done.  I'll be calling my doctor on Monday to follow up.  

That's all for now.

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Overwhelmed and under-informed

A lot of information has passed through the space between my ears over the past few days.
We had an appointment with the oncologist yesterday.  He seems to want me to participate in a study.  It is called the "B-47" Study on breast cancer.  Basically it will study the effects of this drug, herceptin, on patients who are HER2-.  This is all breast cancer terminology, so it may not make sense to many of you, but feel free to look it up.

I am HER2-, but I may be able to benefit from taking the medicine(herceptin) that they give to patients who are HER2+.  I'm also ER/P+, which means that the cancer grows in response to estrogen and progesterone.

Anyway, So nowI have to decide if I want to participate in the study, and I really don't know.  I mean, the side of me that has cancer says that I should--because it will help to further research, and I should help with any research that I can.  Then another side of me says, "why"?


Who knows.  Either way, to even be considered for this study, I have to have another surgery to remove a patch of skin that was what they call a positive margin.  This means that part of one of the tumors was really close to the skin wall, so it could be still there.  So after my doctors spoke with each other, they decided that I should have this surgery tomorrow at 7:45 a.m.  So, that is what I am doing.  This morning at around 9:00, I found out that I would be having another surgery less than 24 hours later.

Oh well.  Lots of decisions to make.  If anyone wants to weigh in, feel free to comment. By the way-if you leave a comment, sign your name so I know who you are.

Santa

Santa came this morning.  Marie is so cute.  Seriously.  She asked me if she could open every present.  Politely, too.  For example:

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Sweetie"

"Can I open this pink one pretty please?"

"Yes, Marie-You can open all of the presents that have your name on it"

"OK" **Opens Present** "Mommy?"

"yes?"

"Can I please open this blue one?"

....

Every single time.  Adorable.

She loved all her gifts, and now she knows that she's going to Disney world.  We told her that mommy will be at the doctor while she is there.  I am just hoping that she has fun.  (I know she will, I'm just saying that to make myself feel better). 

Packing for her made me realize how much I'll miss her when she's gone....BUT, Troy and I have a great week planned.  

So, all things considered, it will be a great week (besides all of the doctor's visits that remind me that I have cancer).  

Merry Christmas Everyone! :)

Foreign Objects

So.  The past two days have been odd.  They have been good in terms of family, holiday "cheer", and all that crap.  But, in terms of recovery/cancer stuff...not so hot.  I feel...odd.  There isn't really a good word to describe the way I feel, so I'll just say odd.  Because I'm not sure how I feel, and I can't put words to the physical feelings that I have going on, I get mopey....like really mopey.  This is really the first time in the past month that I have been truly unhappy about all of the changes.   I've been in a funk all day, and it is Christmas Eve.  Let's try to figure out why (besides the obvious).

1. I'm still in pain (I was able to get a refill, so I can keep the pain under control; however, I like to try to avoid taking the medicine when I can, so I only take it when I really need it.  
2. My left breast (sorry--boob talk is going to happen on this blog--and I actually think I've avoided it for the most part until now) is really swollen.  When they took the drain out, the fluid began to build up and now it feels huge.  I know this is normal, but I don't like it.  
3. My right side still has the drain in it, and it's annoying.  Really annoying.  It's itchy and red and irritated.  Now, it's the holidays, so I can't call to ask the doc if it's infected or not.  My antibiotic ran out, and I'm not sure if they want me to take more (they said as long as the drains were in, yet there isn't a refill for it, so I'm confused).  anyway...because the drain is still in on this side, it is not swollen like the right, so I'm lopsided.  I swear I have an A-cup on one side and a C-cup on the other.  Annoying.  
4. Can't move my right arm as much I want to.  I can't lift it, I can't reach out too far, I can't reach behind me.  It sucks.  Also, I have a swollen patch up near my armpit that is just odd.   Also annoying.   
5. Showering sucks.  I can't reach my arms up to wash my hair, so it always feels gross and greasy. It sucks.  When I get out I feel clean for a total of 10 minutes, and then I feel gross again.  
1. Side note to showering.  SHAVING MY ARMPITS.  I have to say it.  I know it is gross to talk about, but it absolutely sucks.  I can't reach my armpits very well, so it makes it very hard to shave them...PLUS, on my right side I'm not even supposed to use a real razor because of the risk of lymphedema, so I have to use an electric one, which never works. 
6. Picking up Marie.  I'm at the point where some of my strength is back and I want to lift Marie up or let her sit on my lap and snuggle, but I can't quite do it.  I've had her sitting on my lap, but she doesn't get it, and occasionally will slam her head back into my chest....ouch.  
7. Getting dressed.  Nothing fits.  Most of it feels too tight, even though it isn't.  I feel like everything hangs on me weird.  Miserable.  
8. My body in general.  I feel like my entire torso is filled with foreign objects.  I understand that this is partially true, but it doesn't change the fact that every time I brush against my chest, I feel this giant lump that doesn't belong there.  

Anyway.  I know this was sort of depressing, but the fact of the matter is that I do have cancer, and I'm sad about parts of it at times.  This time, I'm sad about the parts that make me uncomfortable.  That's the issue.  This time around, it really is just about comfort.  Everything above deals with the fact that I am either physically or emotionally uncomfortable with something. 

To end on a happier note, Christmas is tomorrow, and Marie can't wait.  This is the first year that I think she truly understands what is going on.  

  Spoiled much? 

Santa's Milk and Cookies

I'm really doing ok, just bummed out today.  I think it will be awesome to watch Marie open her presents tomorrow and to see how happy she is.  Goodnight all!  Merry Christmas!

Christmas Eve Eve

It was great to see Troy's family today.  I'm really glad that they were able to come.  I had a good day--Didn't have to take too many pain meds today, but DID take a mid-day nap.

Tomorrow is Christmas eve at my sister's place, then Christmas day will be spent here.

When I came to bed tonight, I decided to wrap a few presents.  I wound up wrapping them all.  I'm kind of tired right now...regretting the decision to wrap (I was sitting in a really uncomfortable position while I was wrapping).   I have a feeling that when I wake up tomorrow and realize that I have nothing to wrap/do for Christmas day, it will be worth it.

Well, right now, I'm kind of exhausted, so more to come later.

'Tis the season

So, today it finally started to feel like Christmas.  Huge thank you to my mom for taking Marie today so that Troy and I could finish shopping.  I feel like I did really well this year.  Every year Troy and I say we will do shopping early, we will get it done before mid-December.  Every year we wind up shopping either 1-2 days before Christmas eve.

Even though we had an excuse this year, it was no different.  Today, we wound up doing all of our shopping.  So where did we go?  The mall.  Every year, I get stressed.  The crowds get to me.  I get angry, antsy, and aggravated.   I get testy, tense, and ticked off.  It's like my whole body tenses up.  My fists clench, my shoulders shrug up to my chin and I have a constant look of terror on my face.  It happens every year.  Troy always tells me to calm down, we know what to expect, and to just be patient while we shop.  Every year we get half way through and I just throw my hands in the air and say "forget it--lets just buy the next thing we see and leave."

This year, though, it was different.  I don't know if it was because of everything going on my life right now, but I was able to get through it.  Troy and I left around 11, spent the day shopping at the mall, met up with two of my best friends for lunch, then went BACK to the mall to finish, and I wasn't stressed at all.  It was definitely crowded, but I just dealt with it.  Granted, when I came home for the night, I was exhausted.  I may have tried to fit too much in, but it was a great day.  I really had an awesome day with my husband.  It was very nice, and thanks to mom for helping it happen.

Tomorrow we see Troy's family.  They are coming up to spend the day with us here.  It will be really nice to see them.  I haven't seen them since the day after I was diagnosed, and a lot has changed.  It's been a month (almost exactly) since I got the news, and everything has been such a blur.   Well, one day at a time, right?

I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!

In anticipation of withdrawal...

Stupid drain is still in.  On top of that, there is major swelling in my left side.  I called the office to ask the nurse if that was normal.  She said "Unfortunately, it is".  It just feels weird.  This is the first day that I had major pain and major discomfort since the surgery.  I mean, there have been bad days, but today was different.  For the first time, I felt like my body was not my own.  On top of that..I am trying to wean myself off of the meds again.  I did some math, and this morning I only had enough pills to get me until Sunday night if I take them the way I have been.  With Christmas Eve/Christmas being Monday and Tuesday, I'm not sure I want to risk not being able to get a refill.  I didn't do this math until after the offices were closed.  I'm going to call tomorrow to see if they are open in the morning, but I am slightly freaking out that I won't be able to get a refill until wednesday.  

I took one pain pill at around 11, and I didn't take anything else until 9:30 this evening, so that was pretty good.   That could be the reason I felt off and hated my body today, but we won't dwell on it.  

Went to target today to finish up some xmas shopping...the "shop with a cop" program was going on while we were there.  It was really neat.  I saw two of my students while there.  They seemed really excited to see me.  It was nice to see them, but it really made me kind of sad that I won't be teaching second semester.  I have some really great students, and I'll miss the opportunity to finish out the year with them.  Yes, there are benefits, and I'm going to be pretty miserable at times, but it really sucks to think that I am not going to be teaching for the remainder of the year.  It just sucks more when I put the kids faces in my head.  Then it's real.  

On a similar note, an amazing friend from work came to drop off some things to me that the staff and students got together for me.  For lack of better things to say, I am speechless.  The staff at my school is amazing, and I appreciate each and every one of you.  Thank you all (if any of you are reading this).  

I stocked up on Thank-you notes today.   :)

Biting off more than I can chew

So today I went out to lunch and to coffee.  It was good seeing some people and catching up.  I am currently trying to ween myself of of the medication that the docs have me on, so I feel like I chose a bad day to be up and about.  When I got back I was sore.  Not too bad, though.  I was still able to stay away from the hard stuff (pills) for a good amount of time.  When I did take them, it was only one pill instead of two.

I think, like a good friend brought to my attention today, that when I take the medication, I do too much.  For me, the meds work really well, and fairly quickly (in about 20 minutes the pain is pretty much gone).  So, when I take them, I feel no pain and like I can do anything.  Then, when it starts to wear off, I feel the effects of me doing so much.  The result?  Ouch.

On the plus side, my wonderful husband is back home.  :)  I missed him a lot.  Tomorrow, we are going to finish up some Christmas shopping, and he's taking me to my doctor's appointment.  Then (if I'm feeling up to it), we are going to attempt another Santa visit, and possibly take Marie to a movie.  Again, I'm trying to soak in Marie time before she goes away.

Now, for a pun before I sign off.

Showers

It's raining outside today.  It will probably turn to ice/snow at some point.

That isn't the kind of shower I referenced in my subject.  I'm going to try not to get too graphic.

Ever since I got out of the hospital, showers have been an issue.  I'm telling you, when they told me I could shower my first day home, I was ecstatic.  Being in the hospital for 3 days without a shower made me feel nasty.

What I didn't know was how difficult it would be.  With the limited arm movement, showers have been....interesting.  It's almost comical how difficult it is.  My left arm is ok, but my right arm is really hard to move.  This means, when I'm using soap/washing my hair, I'm twisted in this weird position to try to allow my right hand to get the soap in my hair.  It's really hard to explain, but I find myself laughing while I'm trying to wash my hair.

Anyway.

Some people/things that have been keeping me company this week:

 

 I'm obviously surrounded by great people/things.  Haha.


I want to take a minute to reword something that I said yesterday.  I mentioned that I was overwhelmed with the support and the contacts that I was receiving.  I am, but in a good way.  I will try to get back to everyone, and I may get back to you sooner than later.  I just want people to be able to look at this as an updated rather than feeling the need to ask me or my family.  That's why this is here.

One of the most humbling things about this experience has been the amount of people who have come out of the woodwork (for lack of a better phrase).  Some, I'm rather surprised and confused to hear from, while some have sparked some pleasant communication.  Either way, it has been nice to hear from people that I haven't heard from in a while.  I'm going to try to respond/get back to all of these people, and I'm really hoping that I can reconnect with some people that I haven't heard from in a while....maybe even AFTER I'm cancer free, haha.

With the holidays coming (and coming rather fast), I'm going to spend the next few days hanging out with my family.  I am going to have some fun with Troy and Marie getting ready for christmas and some major family time.

Marie leaves for Disney with the rest of the family in a week, and it is starting to sink in that she'll be gone.  She definitely needs the fun.  She'll have a great time with everyone.  It will be nice for me and Troy to have some time alone, too.  I'm sure I'll get sad and sappy while she's gone, but its the right thing.  That's why I'm going to try to hang out with her as much as possible before she leaves :)

Ok--this was a random post.  I'm out for now.

Hm

So it's kicking in just how weird it will be to not go back to work this year.  I sent an email to everyone saying thank you and everything, and I probably won't be checking my email much more after that.  It is very bizarre to think about.  I know that my students aren't very happy, and I really will miss them.  I had a good group this year.

I was feeling kind of bummed out earlier; there wasn't much on TV, I was bored, and I was just dwelling on the "now".  As positive as I may be, when I dwell on the "now" it isn't exactly positive.  I know that things look up and that I will make it through all of this, but the next few months holds some pretty heavy stuff.

Anyway, I got out of bed to go grab some food and try to avoid thinking about things and my daughter (who had just fallen asleep) senses my presence and jumps out of bed.  I try putting her back to bed, but eventually she convinced me that she was hungry.  So, while my brain said no, she's not hungry, she just wants to get out of bed, my heard said yeah, but she hasn't seen you up and about too much and you really miss her so let's let her get up and fix her a snack.   So, my heart obviously won.  This was the result:

1. Facetime with Troy.  I miss him immensely, so I was able to talk to him, and Marie was, too.

She had fun :)

2.  She got silly.  And I caught it on video...

How can I be bummed...I have this to look forward to EVERY day. :)

Something is messed up with the video on this, but I hope that it works...

Followers

One weird thing about blogger is that it shows me how many views I get in a day.  It kind of makes me feel conceited.  I see that over 600 people read my blog today.  That is huge.  But again, it gives me a big head.

I want to remind everyone (especially now that more people are reading this) why this blog is here.  I'm writing it to keep everyone updated.  It is an added bonus that I get to use it as an outlet.  I just want to make sure that if I'm not responding to texts/calls/emails/etc., you all understand why.

It's been amazing to see the amount of support that is coming my way, but it is also overwhelming.  I know that I have a lot of support, but please, if I don't respond to you, do not be offended.  The last few weeks have been a blur, as I'm sure the next few will be, too.  I kind of have a lot going on right now (understatement of the year), and I'm grateful to have this way to communicate to everyone.

Doctor's appointment went well today.  They removed 37 lymph nodes.  I don't know what lymph nodes are, or what they do.  Therefor, I looked them up.  SO, according to wikipedia (sorry students...)

So, these lymph nodes are pretty important.  Out of the 37 they removed from my right arm, 2 were positive for cancer.  I'm ok with those odds; the doc seemed cool with them, too. 

Apparently, because I'm so young, the doctors seem really intrigued by my case.  I guess that should make me feel ok, because that means that they pay attention to me...but it is a little bit disturbing.   

Anyway--The plan now is that I will have chemotherapy after I heal from the surgery.  After chemo, I may need radiation and I may need additional surgery because of how close the cancer was to my skin. We shall see.  

I apparently am a "great candidate" (doc's words, not mine) for Tamoxifen, because I have estrogen responsive cancer.  We will see what that means at a later date, I guess.  Overall, today was ok.  Learned a lot...made a lot of appointments...realized that even though I won't be working, all of this cancer crap will keep me busy as hell.  

A couple things:
1.  Figured out how to post comments on here.  You just have to make sure you click on "anonymous" in the drop down menu.  It's the easiest way.  Just make sure to sign your name.
2.  I'm now going "fully" public.  I'm posting the link to this thing on facebook.  I figure it will be good to get it out there now.  The only reason I didn't before is because I wanted to wait until my district new that I'd be out for an extended period of time due to the chemotherapy.

Yesterday I was able to watch a movie with my little gal.  I think we'll do it again tomorrow night.  She's being really good about everything.

Today was an ok day.  Not a TON of pain.  I feel very weird because I'm starting to get sensations back little by little in my right arm and upper chest area.  The numbness is almost completely gone.  Went bra shopping.  It was a little weird because I have no idea what size I am now, or what size I will be when this is all over.  Plus, it is hard to find a bra that is easy enough for me to put on by myself at this point.  I have such limited movement in that area that I have VERY specific needs when it comes to bras.  So, overall, it wasn't a total bust.  I got 2 bras.  Hopefully they will fit.

I have an appointment with the surgeon tomorrow.  I'm hoping to get the drains out tomorrow, but who knows.  They still have quite a bit of fluid in them, so I'm not sure that he'll want to take them out.

With all of this going on, I keep forgetting that the holidays are right around the corner.  They creep up on me every year, but this year we've all been a little distracted.

I'm looking forward to a few things this week:

• The possibility of having the drains out.
• Visiting with some work friends thursday :)
• Troy coming home (another business trip--I'm so proud of him)
• Good friends visiting Saturday.  

It's going to be a good week.   I'm really starting to get the hang of this "one day at a time" stuff.  

PLUS, I had a daughter come home with an adorable christmas gift for me and Troy.  She was super pumped to give it to me.  

Ouch.

If you pop pain meds, then fall asleep 3 hours in...when you wake up, the medication will have worn off.  A lot.

Today was a high pain day.  If you follow facebook, you'll already know that.

It's kind of sinking in that I may not be back at work this year.  On one hand, I'm really sad.  On the other hand, I guess I can use the "good days" that everyone talks about to do stuff that I never really got to do/ had time to do because of work.  Scrapbooking, reading for pleasure, who knows.  Maybe I'll take up a new hobby.

I know that chemo won't be all good, but I guess I have to look at the positives.

One really big positive that I learned during today's mostly in bed day: How I Met Your Mother Season 7 is finally on Netflix.

Thanks everyone for the book recommendations!  :)
I'm sure I'll use them.


Before I sign off tonight, I want to thank my mom.  She has been amazing: helping me wash my hair, buying me food, watching Marie, and just being the best mom ever.  I know that I'll be a great mom, because I learned from her.

Thanks Mom!

Bad Santa

"You wanna see some magic?  Here, let's watch you disappear!" -Billy Bob Thorton in one of the best Christmas movies of all time.  Really puts me in the holiday mood, haha!

Troy and I watch this movie every year, and every year it gets funnier.  I'm not sure why, it is insanely inappropriate, has really poor taste, and is just downright sad at times.  However, we enjoy it.  

Today was a good day, despite the bears loss.  I enjoyed Lou's, got a nap in, and watched Snapped--that's for you, Alex.  Love Snapped.  One of my favorite TV shows.  I think tomorrow, I may actually start one of the books that I have sitting here.  

Marie is having a blast with her friend Chloe, and I'm glad.  She deserves a night out.  Look at these two!  So cute.  Tomorrow I see my doctor.  I'm looking forward to finding out if all of the feelings I'm having are normal.  Certain things are bothering me like the tingling in my armpit (weird), the swelling (I'm sure it's normal, but I still like to ask), and the weird sensation in my rib cage (probably because I have collagen sutured to it). 

I'll update tomorrow after the doctor's appointments, but for now, I have a request.  Leave me a list of books to read while I'm on leave.  I'm going to be on leave for a while, and I'm sure I can only handle so much bad TV and magazines.  

Thanks! :) Now to enjoy some good old Billy Bob with Troy.