Yet again.
And, yet again, my father is the one bugging me to post.
A good friend told me that it's a good thing that I'm not posting as much because it means that the cancer (the reason for this blog) isn't taking over my life anymore.
I thought about that for a second, and I really do wish that were true.
True, I really do feel like the hardest part is over. However, now I feel like every time I go to make plans for the future, I'm somehow factoring cancer in.
Let me explain.
Going back to school in the fall. I have to plan all of my appointments (follow-ups, pre-surgery, herceptin infusions, occupational therapy, etc) so that they work within my school schedule. Add to that the dentist visits (for me AND Marie), my yearly female doc visit (I'm soooo looking forward to that one), and the fact that I should probably see my endocrinologist at some point and you have a very busy schedule.
Since June 17th, I have had an appointment every day for radiation. At first, it wasn't that bad. It was just a quick in and out appointment. The length of these appointments hasn't changed, but the tediousness and the repetition is starting to get to me. It's really annoying. I tried to schedule it for as early as possible, but it still seems like it is smack in the middle of my day, plus it makes me soooo tired. Like unbearably tired. Like I feel like I never want to crawl out of bed tired. Then, my OT wants to see me twice a week now...annoying, but probably necessary. Then, every three weeks, I have my herceptin infusion which is only supposed to be a half-hour, yet somehow winds up taking at least an hour of my day.
I hate the fact that I'm looking forward to going back to work, but I am. Obviously, I am looking forward to seeing friends every day that I haven't seen in a while--I do miss my co-workers. I am looking forward to having a great group of students this year (I'm being optimistic). But mostly, I'm looking forward to having something else to focus on other than my cancer (even if it is grading, meetings, parent conferences, and all the other fun things that go along with teaching).
I also would like to get back to where I was in terms of my weight... I know, I know...."you shouldn't be worrying about that now" is what soooo many people say. Or "You have an excuse, look at what you've been through/you're going through." That doesn't matter to me, that still doesn't change the fact that I have put on more weight that I ever have (besides pregnancy). I joined a 6-week challenge...the first two days, I have really sucked. I'm just so tired. I'm eating better. I'm still doing weight watchers, but I just can't seem to get motivated to get active. Hopefully that will change soon.
The doctor did raise my thyroid medication. My TSH (whatever hormone the thyroid produces) levels are really low...and they've been getting lower and lower each week. This could be the culprit for the weight gain AND the lethargy (Although the radiation is definitely a factor in the fatigue).
****
On a positive note, I have much more hair lately. Today, I even went without a hat all day. It was interesting. People still stare, but I'm used to that. I'm hoping that by going hatless most of the time I will increase the chance that by the time I go back to work I will have a hairstyle that looks (at least at first glance) as though I chose it on purpose.
I also found out yesterday that my surgery date for my implants will be January 17th (tentatively). Happy 30th Birthday to me! It's much later than I hoped, but I guess my surgeon having a full schedule is a good thing, right? That means a lot of people want whatever it is that he's got (that was not meant as dirty as it came across).
I have been enjoying my time home with Marie. She's pretty funny, actually. And I don't just mean like, "oh she's a child, she's funny." I mean, she has an actual sense of humor now. She makes jokes, and I laugh.
