Pants on fire

So, recently, I've realized exactly how much I lie to my daughter on a daily basis.  Like literally, daily.  She's at an age where she asks "why", or "how", or "when" ALL THE TIME.  Some times I don't have an answer.  I'll try to say "I don't know," but usually that pisses her off.  A lot.

Here's a typical conversation:

(7:00 at night)
Marie: Mommy?
Me: Yes, Marie?
Marie: Can we go bowling?
Me: Yes, one day we will go bowling?
Marie: No, I saaaaiiiiiiid can we go bowling right NOW?
Me: No, we cannot go bowling right now.
Marie: Why?
Me: It's too late and we have to go home.
Marie: But I want to go bowling right now with the fun shoes and the pink ball.
Me: Marie, I said no.
Marie: (Starting to get upset) But I want to go bowling.

Me: (thinking to myself) I can either A: keep this going and regret making her really mad and getting bedtime off to a really rough start, or I can B: tell her something that will both get the point across that we are not going bowling AND make it so that she is not upset.  I'll go with choice B.  I have cancer, I'm tired, and I'm not doing this all night. 

Me: Marie, the bowling alley is closed.
Marie: Why?
Me: Because all of the bowling people and the bowling balls have to sleep, too.
Marie: Did the close because its their nap time too???
Me: yes, yes they did.
Marie: Are they closed forever?
Me: No, just so that they can sleep.
Marie: So can we go tomorrow.
Me. Ughhhhh.


I seriously tell her things are closed all the time.  I tell her that their are little fairies that come down and put all of her toys to sleep and that is why we don't play with toys before bed.  Sometimes I tell her that her TV is broken so that I don't have to fight with her over why we can't watch a movie.  There are more lies, but I feel like a bad enough mother, and I haven't even gotten to Santa or the Easter Bunny yet.   I think I'm going start a book called Lies Your Mother Told You and give it to her when she's 18, because at that point hopefully I'll be done lying to her.

It actually got so bad when I had all of my doctors' visits, I would tell her that I was going to work.  I would tell her that I was going to the doctor and she would look at me like she would never see me again if I left.  She would get extremely worked up and say things like "I don't want you to be sick anymore," or "I don't want you to go to the doctor, he will hurt you and give you a shot," even though she usually isn't afraid of doctors. I think she saw what things were like after the mastectomy and now just associates that with doctors.  Or maybe it was the first round of chemo, who knows.

Either way, lots of lies....lots of lies.  Sometimes she catches me.  I'll tell her McDonald's is closed and that is why we can't go there for dinner, but we'll drive past one and she'll shout from the back seat "SEE MOMMY! PEOPLE ARE IN THERE EATING FOOD.  THEY ARE NOT CLOSED, I TOLD YOU!!"

I'm going to have so much explaining to do when she gets older.  Ugh.

So innocent. She has no idea about all of the lies she is told....

Note: I am well aware that she looks ANYTHING but innocent in this picture.  In fact, I think she looks as though she is plotting some horrible horrible event.