Marbles

For some reason, there is a lot rolling around in my brain right now.  Because of the fuzzy chemo brain, I get snippets at a time.  I'll start a train of thought, and then it's like the control center of my brain pulls that little switch thingie that makes the train take a different track.  This has always happened to me.  However, I used to be able to switch back as soon as I realized my mind was going off on a tangent.  Now, I'll try to get back on track, and it's like when I turn around, the original track is gone.  

Very strange.  Very strange.  

So strange, in fact, that I can't even formulate a solid thought to write about.  I've been sitting on this blog for a while.  I have a lot on my mind to write about, but every time I start, the train gets de-railed again.  

What I'll focus on today (for as long as I can focus) is my impending doom with this week's chemo treatment.  Yes, it's true that I have had a much easier time with this round of drugs.  I don't have the nausea, fatigue, and overall crappy feeling that the adriamycin gave me.  The overall symptoms that I have been having during this round have been:

• Muscle/Joint soreness and pain
• slight fatigue
• nose bleeds (every freakin' morning)
• leathery fingertips (its been pretty weird)
• Eyelashes/Eyebrows thinning
• Face swelling (probably the steroid)
• Hot flashes (probably steroid)
• Intense hunger at times--causing binge eating (probably the steroid)

That's pretty much it.  Nothing big.  It's actually been pretty easy.  The worst times are usually Saturday evening through Sunday evening.  That's when my lower extremities seem to hurt pretty bad, and I'm pretty weak.  

So why am I so nervous this time around?  (for anyone afraid of lady business and talk of lady things, stop reading) Well, if you are keeping track of my menstrual cycle, which I'm sure you are, I'm coming up on getting that lovely monthly friend.  Why is this important, you might ask? If you remember this post, I had a really rough time the first round of taxol, and I associated it with the fact that I happened to get my period just afterwards.  My doctor, and the research nurses are very surprised that I'm still getting it.  They assumed my cycle would stop and that I would eventually just start early menopause set on by chemotherapy.  I mean, menopause does not equal fun, but after the cramping and horror that happened last month, I might choose it.

So.  I'm going to sit tight for the next few days and strongly hope that I either have a MUCH easier go this time around, or that I start menopause.  Just kidding...sort of.