New TV, New Book, Old Hobbies

I've figured out somewhat of a schedule.  Right now I'm on a 14 day cycle.  I have chemo every two weeks.  On the Thursdays that I have chemo, I'm fine.  The next day--fine.  Roughly days 2-5 of the cycle?  Sucky.  I'm tired, hungry (but not), nauseous (but not), have headaches, and overall just want to crawl under blankets and leave society.  Days 6-14 I'm great for the most part.  I may have a day where I'm a little worn out, but overall, I'm good.  On the sucky days, all I want to do is lie in bed and watch TV...maybe pick up the computer, but I've noticed that on the bad days I don't even want to do that.  This time around I tried working out to make myself feel better and I realized that I'd save the working out for the good days.

I'm getting bored with what is on TV, however.  I'm home all day every day.  Even on the good days I have the TV on at some point.  I can't help it.  So--in regards to television-- I've made a decision.  No more bad daytime TV while I'm home.  That doesn't mean no more TV...I mean, we are talking about me here.  I can't do no TV.  I just mean no more marathons of SVU or bad sitcoms during the day.  Instead, I'll do marathons of shows that I choose.  I know this may not seem that different, but for me it is.  Usually during the day I'll just watch House, ANTM (America's Next Top Model--duh), SVU, Regular Law & Order (yes, I call it regular), King of Queens, and of course, Friends.  These can keep me going for a while, but when I start to see the same episodes over and over again, I realize that I have a problem.

I know it might seem like I'm watching a lot of TV, but really I'm multitasking.  On my good days, I usually watch TV while I'm doing something else.  Reading, playing on Facebook, blogging, surfing the internet, etc.
I know, my life sounds insanely interesting.
(by the way--the TV watching usually occurs during Marie's nap time, during her outings with grandma, or while she's at school--so I'm not a bad mom, at least not because of this, haha)

Well, I was complaining to Troy the other day that we don't have any shows that we are into, and I miss that.  We used to watch a lot of things together.  LOST, Biggest Loser, a few seasons of American Idol, etc.  But, we both got so busy that we didn't have time to pick a show.  That may sound odd, but we didn't have time to wait for one another to watch a particular show.  Usually, by the time we got Marie to bed, we were lucky to stay awake long enough to talk to each other for a few minutes without a toddler with us.  Well, now that I'm not working (and again, it is the best decision I ever made--I have no idea how people do this while working), we have a bit more time.  Troy's new job is also a lot less stressful for him.  I mean, he is working really hard, and really long hours, but he's happy when he gets home, and usually more willing to stay awake and hang out.  SO, a few weeks ago, my friend Alex was in town and she said to me "at 8:00 tonight the TV is being hijacked because I have to watch my new show"

I said, "what new show?"

She said, "The Following".  I watched the previous weeks episode and decided that I was hooked.  I convinced Troy to watch it the next night, and then he was hooked.  My parents are also hooked.  So now, we have a show.  I love it!  It's so deliciously creepy and exiting.  It sounds cheesy, but it is awesome to have a TV show to look forward to each week.  

Then, the other day, while Marie was at school, I told my mom that we should scrapbook.  I hadn't done it in a while, and it would give me something to do on the days that Marie is at school.  While we were doing this (I can't just scrapbook without the tv on...it's nearly impossible.  I get bored and antsy.  I know, I'm weird, but you knew what this was) I decided to turn on netflix and I chose the show Revenge.  My mom and I literally watched 9 episodes in one day.  Officially hooked.

Love it.

Today, Marie had a playdate with her friend AJ.  It was superfun and supercute.  Marie is officially obsessed with this boy.   It is absolutely adorable.  It is always nice to be able to talk with an adult while Marie is having her own social hour as well.  GREAT morning.  Then, because she was so tired out from playing, I put her down for her nap when we got home.  While she was napping, I picked up a book that I've been meaning to read for a while, Room.  I've been trying to read Casual Vacancy by JK Rowling for about two months now and it is just sooooo slow.  I've never been this turned off by a book before.  Usually I'm a fast reader, as you'll soon see.  I'm still in the first 25% of this book and I can't get into it.  So, I picked up Room today at around 1:30.  By 5:30, I was finished with it.  I loved it.  Such a good book with SUCH an interesting point of view.

So, moral of today's post: I feel like I'm getting little bits of my life back.  I'm watching new and good TV again as opposed to reruns of the same old stuff.  I'm scrapbooking again.  I'm reading again (this is a treat because that was something I was looking forward to doing with my time off, but I haven't been in the mood).  I'm making time to see friends and have adult conversations while Marie is able to have her play time too.  Not working has been a lot harder on me than I thought.  I used to have a purpose with my day to day life, and now, I don't.  I know that being a mom is a purpose, but on the days that she isn't here, that is when it gets hard.  Especially on the days where I'm feeling good.  Then, I feel guilty about not being at work.  I think, is someone going to see right through me? I technically could be working right now.  I feel fine.  I should be working.  Someone is going to see me, realize this, and call my boss and rat me out and I'm going to get fired.  

Totally rational, I know.  Don't worry, to balance those days out, I have the days that are filled with doctor visits, blood counts, and chemotherapy.  Then I have the days where I want to stick my head in the sand like an ostrich.  So, overall, I think it is still a good thing that I'm staying home.  Besides, now I can finally catch my scrapbook up to date.  Previously, it was stalled at Marie's 6 month pictures...As a closing to this ridiculously long post, enjoy a flashback.  Photos courtesy of Jenni Kenney Photography and Design.