Well, it's October. I've known the month was coming for a while now. All of September...I could feel it lurking around the corner. I've been wondering how I would feel when it got here.
I'm honestly not sure how I feel.
My school's volleyball team is doing a "Pink" out game where they are donating money (in my name) to breast cancer research. I am really honored to be a part of that, and I am glad that these kids and the people involved can attach a face to the cause that they are supporting. I like that they are able to do that now.
However, with all of the other "pink" that I'm seeing everywhere...I'm feeling overwhelmed.
I haven't posted on here in a while. Cancer hasn't really been a part of my life for the past few months. That's a good thing. I know that it still hides in various nooks and crannies of my life, but overall, I've been focused on other things. Good things.
Work. Family. Life.
So, when I turn on Ellen today, and see a giant pink ribbon on her logo...and I go to the grocery store and my favorite products are pink (to support a good cause of course), It just serves as a reminder. Oh yeah....f you cancer.
Here's what I think...
1. There are other types of cancer. A lot of other types. Why is there a month JUST for breast cancer. Why can't we all just say screw cancer all together and beat them all. I mean, I'm all about the boobies, but come on.
2. When you are buying that pink football jersey, or that pink water bottle, or the pink lunch box, or the pink sports bra, or whatever, look at where your money is going. If you are buying it because it's cute and pink, then buy away. If you are buying specifically to give your money to the cause, make sure it's actually going to that cause.
I've had people ask me how I feel about the pink ribbon now that I'm a "survivor". I've even had people tell me "You'll have a new appreciation for it down the road". Lately, the pink ribbon is just too much for me right now because everything is still so raw. I mean, I still have the tan from radiation. BUT--I don't think that my feelings about it will change. I don't think that I'm suddenly going to look at a pink ribbon and swell up with gratitude for life, or appreciation for the cause. I don't think that seeing a pink ribbon is going to make me want to walk for 3 days (although I do appreciate all the people who do that kind of thing-it is something that I feel I may have done at some point if I wasn't diagnosed). I don't think that the pink ribbon will ever be more to me than just a reminder that I had cancer. I've donated enough of my time and energy to cancer for quite a while, and i don't feel that I need to give back to the cause just yet. I know that this may come off as rude and bitchy, but hey...if I'm offending you, read something else. I want my life to get back to normal, and unfortunately just as it has started to, I get reminded why I'm avoiding the color pink. I mean, I was never a HUGE pink fan, but I do have pink clothing. I have actually had people ask me if I'm wearing pink for a new reason lately. No. I'm wearing pink because it was a clean shirt in my drawer and I thought it looked cute with these jeans today. That's it.
Again, it's for a good cause, and this is just me venting because I think my house has enough pink ribbons to supply an entire colony, but I think we should be aware of all cancers all the time. My feelings towards the pink ribbon haven't changed, but my feelings towards life have, and I don't need the ribbon to remind me of that. I feel that we should be aware that everyone could have something very difficult going on for them in their life. Something like cancer, or something different that is affecting their family just as much.
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