So, this morning, after taking a while to wake up, I was able to move around quite a bit. I think I may have overdone it, thought. I'm exhausted now. Thankfully, a great friend offered to take Marie for a sleepover. Marie gets to see one of her best friends, and I get a break (not that my family hasn't given me a break already). Really, Troy and my mom get a break. We are now sitting down and watching the rest of the Bears game. We've ordered Lou Malnatis, so that's on its way. I'm looking forward to a nice, relaxing evening.
Troy and I took out the numbing pump this morning. It was probably one of the funniest moments since all of this started. Troy said it reminded him of something out of the movie "Alien". It was kind of gross. The tubing is really small. What we had to do, was pull the tape off from around the tubing and then slide the tubing all the way out. Once it came out, there was about 6-8 inches that had been inside. It was kind of weird, because Troy kept pulling and we kept thinking that we were at the end, but then more would come out. What was even weirder was that I could feel it snaking around inside. Soooo creepy. Either way, it's nice to have one less tube running through my body. Wednesday, hopefully I'll get the rest of the tubes out. Yay.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Losing juice...
So my pain pump is running low...uh-oh. It was this big bulb thing that looked like this:
It slowly has been pumping this numbing agent in to the surgery sites so that I don't feel as much pain. Well, now, this is what my pump looks like:
A bit deflated. I guess I'm going to have to deal with some real pain now, haha. It's not too bad though. It's kind of weird, because tomorrow this pump will come out (Troy gets to take it out, he's really excited, hehe), and then wednesday the drains will come out. Then after that, things slowly get back to normal. It'll be kind of weird, because in an odd way, I'm getting used to all of these cords.
Who am I kidding, I can't wait for them to be gone.
Goodnight!
Wakin up...
I'm sure these blog posts will become fewer and fewer over the next few weeks, but for right now--I'm bored.
This morning was rough. Woke up today feeling a LOT of pain. I'm not sure why---maybe it's because I have a gaping hole where my boobs used to be. (That was meant to be funny, not pity inducing). Every time I feel the slightest bit of pain, I really do think, man, why am I in pain...then I remember why. So, in reality, it's not that bad. I think I was expecting this excruciating pain, but it really feels like I just have a really fat guy siting on my chest, haha. It's the worst when I wake up, but once the pain meds kick in, it's not too bad.
The worst physical thing right now would have to be the right armpit. Weird, right? It's swollen because that's where they removed the lymph nodes. They did find cancer in the right side in my lymph nodes (I can't remember if I put that in another blog post. Well, anyway, it is swollen to the point where when I put my arm down it feels really funny.
On another note, Marie was able to come say good morning. We sat in here and watched an episode of Mickey while she ate her "crunchy crunch" (cinnamon toast crunch cereal). It was good. She was really good about everything. She asked about my boobies (she knows that's where I'm 'hurt'). She was very careful. She wanted to see, but I told her no (I don't think she should see them), but I did show her a bit of the "band-aid" (gauze), so she knows the area to be careful of. She seemed very happy to be hanging out with me.
Right now, I can't wait until Wednesday. That's when I get the drains removed and I feel like everything will start moving forward.
I have to go see my general doctor on Monday. I'm not looking forward to that. He's been our family doctor since I was in high school. I haven't seen him since I've been diagnosed. They want me to see him because my blood pressure was really high in the hospital before I left. It'll be interesting to meet with him.
Well, I'm out for now, going to watch some more New Girl on Hulu. :)
This morning was rough. Woke up today feeling a LOT of pain. I'm not sure why---maybe it's because I have a gaping hole where my boobs used to be. (That was meant to be funny, not pity inducing). Every time I feel the slightest bit of pain, I really do think, man, why am I in pain...then I remember why. So, in reality, it's not that bad. I think I was expecting this excruciating pain, but it really feels like I just have a really fat guy siting on my chest, haha. It's the worst when I wake up, but once the pain meds kick in, it's not too bad.
The worst physical thing right now would have to be the right armpit. Weird, right? It's swollen because that's where they removed the lymph nodes. They did find cancer in the right side in my lymph nodes (I can't remember if I put that in another blog post. Well, anyway, it is swollen to the point where when I put my arm down it feels really funny.
On another note, Marie was able to come say good morning. We sat in here and watched an episode of Mickey while she ate her "crunchy crunch" (cinnamon toast crunch cereal). It was good. She was really good about everything. She asked about my boobies (she knows that's where I'm 'hurt'). She was very careful. She wanted to see, but I told her no (I don't think she should see them), but I did show her a bit of the "band-aid" (gauze), so she knows the area to be careful of. She seemed very happy to be hanging out with me.
Right now, I can't wait until Wednesday. That's when I get the drains removed and I feel like everything will start moving forward.
I have to go see my general doctor on Monday. I'm not looking forward to that. He's been our family doctor since I was in high school. I haven't seen him since I've been diagnosed. They want me to see him because my blood pressure was really high in the hospital before I left. It'll be interesting to meet with him.
Well, I'm out for now, going to watch some more New Girl on Hulu. :)
Friday, December 14, 2012
There's no place like home
So, I am finally home. Although, if you'd ask most people, it is quite surprising that I'm already home. In some ways it felt like weeks that I was in the hospital, but it also feels like it was just yesterday that I had the surgery. Things have been moving very rapidly.
I mean, it was literally one month ago TODAY that I had the ultrasound that lead to the doctors finding the cancer. That just seems crazy to me. One month ago I was complaining about how my boobs wouldn't fit into a cute shirt, and now I have no boobs. Weird how things work.
Everything went fine with the surgery. I wasn't really able to update too much there because I had to do it on my phone. I hate typing on my phone. Texting, facebook statuses, etc. I just hate typing on the phone. Now, I am updating this blog via computer. Specifically my new macbook pro. I guess cancer does have its perks (haha).
In terms of surgery, I'm in WAY less pain overall than I thought I would be. I truly hardly feel any pain at all. All of the doctors and nurses told me that I was healing very quickly and that I had a great attitude. To be honest, I do have a great attitude, but lately it has been hard to keep it up. I think now I am finally just getting scared. I'm scared of the long term. Because I don't have a lot of pain, and because I no longer have breasts for the breast cancer to hang out in, it should be all good, but there is still some sort of lingering fear there. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of, but it is there.
At this point, I know after my 4-6 week recovery, I will definitely be needing chemo therapy. I'm not sure how much or for how long, but they do think it will be around 4 months. I will most definitely be losing my hair--at least that is what the oncologist wants me to prepare for. That, I am ok with. What I am not ok with is cancer. As long as we can do whatever possible to get the cancer out of my system, I don't really care what I look like when all of this is said and done.
There were a few things that were AWESOME about coming home today, though.
1. Taking a shower. I hate not washing my hair. Being told that I could take a shower as soon as I came home was kind of awesome. I took advantage.
2. Hugging Marie. Today was a day that everyone needed to hug their kids a little bit tighter, and I was glad that I was able to with mine. I was worried that I couldn't, or that she wouldn't understand, but she was really good about everything.
3. Being able to wear clothing instead of a hospital gown. That was a big one, for all of the obvious reasons.
When I did take a shower, at first I tried not to look in any mirrors. I was told that it was going to be some big emotional reveal. I'd love to say that when I did eventually look, I was strong and said "Pshhh, this is no big thing". I'd love to say that, but I can't. When I looked, I really wasn't surprised, but it was when Troy looked that I became emotional. See, this was a part of me that used to be "attractive" to him. I got slightly worried that it would change the way he saw me. It may have changed some things for us, but I don't think I need to be worried anymore. Seeing the gigantic scars barely made him flinch. He just helped me get out of the shower, put on new gauze, and get all covered up. Just like that: it was no big deal.
Troy has been amazing through all of this. Absolutely amazing. I know you are reading this, Troy, and you should know that you are such a big support system for me. His attitude has been amazing. I truly think that this experience, while it isn't one I would choose, will make us so much stronger as a family.
The rest of my family has been awesome as well. The help that we have received at home and at the hospital has been amazing. I love you all, and I know that the support will not change or falter as this process continues.
I feel like I have a lot more to say, but I think the pain meds are kicking in and I'm getting quite drowsy. On that note, I'm going to try to get some sleep. I'm sure I'll post more tomorrow.
Nite nite.
I mean, it was literally one month ago TODAY that I had the ultrasound that lead to the doctors finding the cancer. That just seems crazy to me. One month ago I was complaining about how my boobs wouldn't fit into a cute shirt, and now I have no boobs. Weird how things work.
Everything went fine with the surgery. I wasn't really able to update too much there because I had to do it on my phone. I hate typing on my phone. Texting, facebook statuses, etc. I just hate typing on the phone. Now, I am updating this blog via computer. Specifically my new macbook pro. I guess cancer does have its perks (haha).
In terms of surgery, I'm in WAY less pain overall than I thought I would be. I truly hardly feel any pain at all. All of the doctors and nurses told me that I was healing very quickly and that I had a great attitude. To be honest, I do have a great attitude, but lately it has been hard to keep it up. I think now I am finally just getting scared. I'm scared of the long term. Because I don't have a lot of pain, and because I no longer have breasts for the breast cancer to hang out in, it should be all good, but there is still some sort of lingering fear there. I'm not sure what I'm afraid of, but it is there.
At this point, I know after my 4-6 week recovery, I will definitely be needing chemo therapy. I'm not sure how much or for how long, but they do think it will be around 4 months. I will most definitely be losing my hair--at least that is what the oncologist wants me to prepare for. That, I am ok with. What I am not ok with is cancer. As long as we can do whatever possible to get the cancer out of my system, I don't really care what I look like when all of this is said and done.
There were a few things that were AWESOME about coming home today, though.
1. Taking a shower. I hate not washing my hair. Being told that I could take a shower as soon as I came home was kind of awesome. I took advantage.
2. Hugging Marie. Today was a day that everyone needed to hug their kids a little bit tighter, and I was glad that I was able to with mine. I was worried that I couldn't, or that she wouldn't understand, but she was really good about everything.
3. Being able to wear clothing instead of a hospital gown. That was a big one, for all of the obvious reasons.
When I did take a shower, at first I tried not to look in any mirrors. I was told that it was going to be some big emotional reveal. I'd love to say that when I did eventually look, I was strong and said "Pshhh, this is no big thing". I'd love to say that, but I can't. When I looked, I really wasn't surprised, but it was when Troy looked that I became emotional. See, this was a part of me that used to be "attractive" to him. I got slightly worried that it would change the way he saw me. It may have changed some things for us, but I don't think I need to be worried anymore. Seeing the gigantic scars barely made him flinch. He just helped me get out of the shower, put on new gauze, and get all covered up. Just like that: it was no big deal.
Troy has been amazing through all of this. Absolutely amazing. I know you are reading this, Troy, and you should know that you are such a big support system for me. His attitude has been amazing. I truly think that this experience, while it isn't one I would choose, will make us so much stronger as a family.
The rest of my family has been awesome as well. The help that we have received at home and at the hospital has been amazing. I love you all, and I know that the support will not change or falter as this process continues.
I feel like I have a lot more to say, but I think the pain meds are kicking in and I'm getting quite drowsy. On that note, I'm going to try to get some sleep. I'm sure I'll post more tomorrow.
Nite nite.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Hmm
Still here. I feel like every time I get to sleep I am woken up immediately by either a nurse, or something.
Weird symptom today. Itching. Like crazy. I have a weird rash on my neck. Ugh.
Should be going home tomorrow. They moved me from my pain pump to oral meds. Those are ok- not as fast working though. I'm hoping these next few weeks go by quickly.
More tomorrow.
Weird symptom today. Itching. Like crazy. I have a weird rash on my neck. Ugh.
Should be going home tomorrow. They moved me from my pain pump to oral meds. Those are ok- not as fast working though. I'm hoping these next few weeks go by quickly.
More tomorrow.
Early bird.
So, it's 345 am and I'm awake. Surgery went well. I won't know the full scope of everything for a week or so, but based on the initial pathology reports I will need chemo. Not sure how much, but it is a definite. Oddly enough I'm ok with it. I mean it won't be a walk in the park, but I'm more concerned with doing whatever is possible to keep this cancer away.
As far as pain goes-this isn't as bad as I thought. I'm hoping that it doesn't get worse. At home I won't have the manual pain pump. Haha.
Note to my family. You guys have been awesome. All of you. I love you all so much.
Now I'm going to try to sleep more. :-)
As far as pain goes-this isn't as bad as I thought. I'm hoping that it doesn't get worse. At home I won't have the manual pain pump. Haha.
Note to my family. You guys have been awesome. All of you. I love you all so much.
Now I'm going to try to sleep more. :-)
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Waiting...
So I'm in the waiting room. Waiting. This is going to be the longest day of my life. Seriously.
Want to know what I'm thinking about?
1. When can I eat again? I'm freakin starving.
2. I'm more scared about this sentinel node procedure than the actual surgery.
They are supposed to take this blue dye and inject it into my nipples. BUT the nurse on the phone said they do it while I'm awake, numb the area, and make me as "comfortable as possible." That tells me 2 things. 1-I'm not going to be comfortable, and 2-it's going to hurt like hell. I mean, why else would they have to TELL me that they are keeping me awake.
I keep picturing this metallic liquid cursing through my boobs I'm so not looking forward to that part. Surgery ill be asleep for , so that's no big deal.
I had to say goodbye to Marie last night. I probably won't really see her for a week or so. We ate at Denny's and went to watch Jeffrey's choir concert. She has an idea of what is going on, but not much. She knows that mommy is seeing the doctor and that he is "fixing my boobies". Lol.
Thanks to my fam for helping out.
Mom and dad are with me right now and Troy will be here this evening. I know he feels bad that he can't be here but I am so proud of him and happy that he is working at this new job. He deserves to finally be happy at work--and I know he is.
Anyway-today's the day. More updates later.
Love you all-overwhelmed by all of the support. :-)
Ps-sorry for any errors-typing on my phone.
Want to know what I'm thinking about?
1. When can I eat again? I'm freakin starving.
2. I'm more scared about this sentinel node procedure than the actual surgery.
They are supposed to take this blue dye and inject it into my nipples. BUT the nurse on the phone said they do it while I'm awake, numb the area, and make me as "comfortable as possible." That tells me 2 things. 1-I'm not going to be comfortable, and 2-it's going to hurt like hell. I mean, why else would they have to TELL me that they are keeping me awake.
I keep picturing this metallic liquid cursing through my boobs I'm so not looking forward to that part. Surgery ill be asleep for , so that's no big deal.
I had to say goodbye to Marie last night. I probably won't really see her for a week or so. We ate at Denny's and went to watch Jeffrey's choir concert. She has an idea of what is going on, but not much. She knows that mommy is seeing the doctor and that he is "fixing my boobies". Lol.
Thanks to my fam for helping out.
Mom and dad are with me right now and Troy will be here this evening. I know he feels bad that he can't be here but I am so proud of him and happy that he is working at this new job. He deserves to finally be happy at work--and I know he is.
Anyway-today's the day. More updates later.
Love you all-overwhelmed by all of the support. :-)
Ps-sorry for any errors-typing on my phone.
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