Biting off more than I can chew

So today I went out to lunch and to coffee.  It was good seeing some people and catching up.  I am currently trying to ween myself of of the medication that the docs have me on, so I feel like I chose a bad day to be up and about.  When I got back I was sore.  Not too bad, though.  I was still able to stay away from the hard stuff (pills) for a good amount of time.  When I did take them, it was only one pill instead of two.

I think, like a good friend brought to my attention today, that when I take the medication, I do too much.  For me, the meds work really well, and fairly quickly (in about 20 minutes the pain is pretty much gone).  So, when I take them, I feel no pain and like I can do anything.  Then, when it starts to wear off, I feel the effects of me doing so much.  The result?  Ouch.

On the plus side, my wonderful husband is back home.  :)  I missed him a lot.  Tomorrow, we are going to finish up some Christmas shopping, and he's taking me to my doctor's appointment.  Then (if I'm feeling up to it), we are going to attempt another Santa visit, and possibly take Marie to a movie.  Again, I'm trying to soak in Marie time before she goes away.

Now, for a pun before I sign off.

Showers

It's raining outside today.  It will probably turn to ice/snow at some point.

That isn't the kind of shower I referenced in my subject.  I'm going to try not to get too graphic.

Ever since I got out of the hospital, showers have been an issue.  I'm telling you, when they told me I could shower my first day home, I was ecstatic.  Being in the hospital for 3 days without a shower made me feel nasty.

What I didn't know was how difficult it would be.  With the limited arm movement, showers have been....interesting.  It's almost comical how difficult it is.  My left arm is ok, but my right arm is really hard to move.  This means, when I'm using soap/washing my hair, I'm twisted in this weird position to try to allow my right hand to get the soap in my hair.  It's really hard to explain, but I find myself laughing while I'm trying to wash my hair.

Anyway.

Some people/things that have been keeping me company this week:

 

 I'm obviously surrounded by great people/things.  Haha.


I want to take a minute to reword something that I said yesterday.  I mentioned that I was overwhelmed with the support and the contacts that I was receiving.  I am, but in a good way.  I will try to get back to everyone, and I may get back to you sooner than later.  I just want people to be able to look at this as an updated rather than feeling the need to ask me or my family.  That's why this is here.

One of the most humbling things about this experience has been the amount of people who have come out of the woodwork (for lack of a better phrase).  Some, I'm rather surprised and confused to hear from, while some have sparked some pleasant communication.  Either way, it has been nice to hear from people that I haven't heard from in a while.  I'm going to try to respond/get back to all of these people, and I'm really hoping that I can reconnect with some people that I haven't heard from in a while....maybe even AFTER I'm cancer free, haha.

With the holidays coming (and coming rather fast), I'm going to spend the next few days hanging out with my family.  I am going to have some fun with Troy and Marie getting ready for christmas and some major family time.

Marie leaves for Disney with the rest of the family in a week, and it is starting to sink in that she'll be gone.  She definitely needs the fun.  She'll have a great time with everyone.  It will be nice for me and Troy to have some time alone, too.  I'm sure I'll get sad and sappy while she's gone, but its the right thing.  That's why I'm going to try to hang out with her as much as possible before she leaves :)

Ok--this was a random post.  I'm out for now.

Hm

So it's kicking in just how weird it will be to not go back to work this year.  I sent an email to everyone saying thank you and everything, and I probably won't be checking my email much more after that.  It is very bizarre to think about.  I know that my students aren't very happy, and I really will miss them.  I had a good group this year.

I was feeling kind of bummed out earlier; there wasn't much on TV, I was bored, and I was just dwelling on the "now".  As positive as I may be, when I dwell on the "now" it isn't exactly positive.  I know that things look up and that I will make it through all of this, but the next few months holds some pretty heavy stuff.

Anyway, I got out of bed to go grab some food and try to avoid thinking about things and my daughter (who had just fallen asleep) senses my presence and jumps out of bed.  I try putting her back to bed, but eventually she convinced me that she was hungry.  So, while my brain said no, she's not hungry, she just wants to get out of bed, my heard said yeah, but she hasn't seen you up and about too much and you really miss her so let's let her get up and fix her a snack.   So, my heart obviously won.  This was the result:

1. Facetime with Troy.  I miss him immensely, so I was able to talk to him, and Marie was, too.

She had fun :)

2.  She got silly.  And I caught it on video...

How can I be bummed...I have this to look forward to EVERY day. :)

Something is messed up with the video on this, but I hope that it works...

Followers

One weird thing about blogger is that it shows me how many views I get in a day.  It kind of makes me feel conceited.  I see that over 600 people read my blog today.  That is huge.  But again, it gives me a big head.

I want to remind everyone (especially now that more people are reading this) why this blog is here.  I'm writing it to keep everyone updated.  It is an added bonus that I get to use it as an outlet.  I just want to make sure that if I'm not responding to texts/calls/emails/etc., you all understand why.

It's been amazing to see the amount of support that is coming my way, but it is also overwhelming.  I know that I have a lot of support, but please, if I don't respond to you, do not be offended.  The last few weeks have been a blur, as I'm sure the next few will be, too.  I kind of have a lot going on right now (understatement of the year), and I'm grateful to have this way to communicate to everyone.

Doctor's appointment went well today.  They removed 37 lymph nodes.  I don't know what lymph nodes are, or what they do.  Therefor, I looked them up.  SO, according to wikipedia (sorry students...)

So, these lymph nodes are pretty important.  Out of the 37 they removed from my right arm, 2 were positive for cancer.  I'm ok with those odds; the doc seemed cool with them, too. 

Apparently, because I'm so young, the doctors seem really intrigued by my case.  I guess that should make me feel ok, because that means that they pay attention to me...but it is a little bit disturbing.   

Anyway--The plan now is that I will have chemotherapy after I heal from the surgery.  After chemo, I may need radiation and I may need additional surgery because of how close the cancer was to my skin. We shall see.  

I apparently am a "great candidate" (doc's words, not mine) for Tamoxifen, because I have estrogen responsive cancer.  We will see what that means at a later date, I guess.  Overall, today was ok.  Learned a lot...made a lot of appointments...realized that even though I won't be working, all of this cancer crap will keep me busy as hell.  

A couple things:
1.  Figured out how to post comments on here.  You just have to make sure you click on "anonymous" in the drop down menu.  It's the easiest way.  Just make sure to sign your name.
2.  I'm now going "fully" public.  I'm posting the link to this thing on facebook.  I figure it will be good to get it out there now.  The only reason I didn't before is because I wanted to wait until my district new that I'd be out for an extended period of time due to the chemotherapy.

Yesterday I was able to watch a movie with my little gal.  I think we'll do it again tomorrow night.  She's being really good about everything.

Today was an ok day.  Not a TON of pain.  I feel very weird because I'm starting to get sensations back little by little in my right arm and upper chest area.  The numbness is almost completely gone.  Went bra shopping.  It was a little weird because I have no idea what size I am now, or what size I will be when this is all over.  Plus, it is hard to find a bra that is easy enough for me to put on by myself at this point.  I have such limited movement in that area that I have VERY specific needs when it comes to bras.  So, overall, it wasn't a total bust.  I got 2 bras.  Hopefully they will fit.

I have an appointment with the surgeon tomorrow.  I'm hoping to get the drains out tomorrow, but who knows.  They still have quite a bit of fluid in them, so I'm not sure that he'll want to take them out.

With all of this going on, I keep forgetting that the holidays are right around the corner.  They creep up on me every year, but this year we've all been a little distracted.

I'm looking forward to a few things this week:

• The possibility of having the drains out.
• Visiting with some work friends thursday :)
• Troy coming home (another business trip--I'm so proud of him)
• Good friends visiting Saturday.  

It's going to be a good week.   I'm really starting to get the hang of this "one day at a time" stuff.  

PLUS, I had a daughter come home with an adorable christmas gift for me and Troy.  She was super pumped to give it to me.  

Ouch.

If you pop pain meds, then fall asleep 3 hours in...when you wake up, the medication will have worn off.  A lot.

Today was a high pain day.  If you follow facebook, you'll already know that.

It's kind of sinking in that I may not be back at work this year.  On one hand, I'm really sad.  On the other hand, I guess I can use the "good days" that everyone talks about to do stuff that I never really got to do/ had time to do because of work.  Scrapbooking, reading for pleasure, who knows.  Maybe I'll take up a new hobby.

I know that chemo won't be all good, but I guess I have to look at the positives.

One really big positive that I learned during today's mostly in bed day: How I Met Your Mother Season 7 is finally on Netflix.

Thanks everyone for the book recommendations!  :)
I'm sure I'll use them.


Before I sign off tonight, I want to thank my mom.  She has been amazing: helping me wash my hair, buying me food, watching Marie, and just being the best mom ever.  I know that I'll be a great mom, because I learned from her.

Thanks Mom!

Bad Santa

"You wanna see some magic?  Here, let's watch you disappear!" -Billy Bob Thorton in one of the best Christmas movies of all time.  Really puts me in the holiday mood, haha!

Troy and I watch this movie every year, and every year it gets funnier.  I'm not sure why, it is insanely inappropriate, has really poor taste, and is just downright sad at times.  However, we enjoy it.  

Today was a good day, despite the bears loss.  I enjoyed Lou's, got a nap in, and watched Snapped--that's for you, Alex.  Love Snapped.  One of my favorite TV shows.  I think tomorrow, I may actually start one of the books that I have sitting here.  

Marie is having a blast with her friend Chloe, and I'm glad.  She deserves a night out.  Look at these two!  So cute.  Tomorrow I see my doctor.  I'm looking forward to finding out if all of the feelings I'm having are normal.  Certain things are bothering me like the tingling in my armpit (weird), the swelling (I'm sure it's normal, but I still like to ask), and the weird sensation in my rib cage (probably because I have collagen sutured to it). 

I'll update tomorrow after the doctor's appointments, but for now, I have a request.  Leave me a list of books to read while I'm on leave.  I'm going to be on leave for a while, and I'm sure I can only handle so much bad TV and magazines.  

Thanks! :) Now to enjoy some good old Billy Bob with Troy.